Admissions officers will often emphasize that they do not care what you choose to write about in your essay. They stress this because most writers err on the side of unoriginality, having tried too hard to meet the expectations of their imagined readers and discarding all of their own personality in the process. Of course, there is truth in their advice: You should write with the goal of expressing your own values and conveying the qualities most important to you. You should frame this discussion in a way that highlights your unique character. However, you must exercise your creativity with a definite eye toward the themes and points that will justify your suitability for college. Your ultimate goal is not just to stand out as a likeable person, but also to obtain admission to your college or university of choice.  

a. 'Personal Growth' Essays

This is perhaps the most popular essay topic, since it delves into the heart of what the admissions essay is all about: helping the college gain better insight into an applicant's personality and character. Some schools ask targeted questions, such as "What was the most challenging event you have ever faced, and how have you grown from it?" Others leave the topic open: "Describe an event that has had great meaning for you. Explain why and how it has affected you."

One of the most successful strategies is to use a past event as a lens through which you can assess who you were and who you have become. Most children are inquisitive, but were you the one who asked your kindergarten teacher what caused the seasons of the year, and then proceeded to create a model of the solar system and explain the concept to your fellow classmates? Though you may think that you need to write about something more grandiose, you do not. Success lies in painting an accurate and vivid picture of yourself--one that will show admissions officers that you have much to offer their school.

The most important advice we can give is to be honest, refrain from employing clichés, and show maturity. College is a radical change from high school, and you want your reader to realize that you are more than ready to take the next major step in your life.

Well Done "Personal Growth" Essay

Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited by EssayEdge are dramatically improved. For samples of EssayEdge editing, please click here.

Tom Zincer succeeded in his task. My science class's first field trip took place on a bitter cold February day in Maine. Tom, our science teacher, led the group of relatively puzzled, well-bundled students into the forest. I was right behind Tom, and the sound of his red boots breaking through the thin layer of ice that covered the crusty snow seemed to bounce off the trees and scare away the few singing birds that had not migrated south for the winter. We stopped fourteen times during that four-hour field trip to hear Tom ramble on about the bark of "this" deciduous tree and the habitat that "this" coniferous tree needs to grow. We examined animal droppings and tracks in the snow and traced a bird's song back to its singer. This was all meaningless to me. I was cold and bored and wanted the field trip to end. 

I would later write several essays in my journal about the fact that writing a detailed seven-page analysis of the field trip took all the beauty out of the event. I would complain to Tom about how boring and mundane his class was and how impossible it was to be so "anally" observant. I argued that no field trip could ever be enjoyable if we had to write down and later analyze the percentage of deciduous and coniferous trees, the air temperature, the amount of snow on the ground, the slope of the course taken, the change in temperature over the day, and a plethora of other minutia. Basically, I was lazy. No, no. I was not lazy. I was just not ready; I was not yet ready to become an observer. 

"Sam, just trust me on this one. You'll thank me later," Tom said at the conclusion of our meeting. I had gone to see Tom privately in order to discuss how I could survive his class. The minutia was killing me, and my slow death was reflected in my dismal grade. Upon leaving that meeting, I made a personal and academic decision to develop my observational skills, both to please my teacher and to avoid the disappointment of another "D+." 

On my next field trip, I set out into the forest with two pencils cocked between my two ears like guns ready to fire. My teeth were clenched with the determination to stay focused throughout the entire field trip and write down every word that man uttered. However, I constantly felt myself drifting, and while my mind wandered, the group advanced significantly ahead of me, and I missed the sighting of another bird. I ran up to the group just in time to hear Tom start his lecture about a nearby rock formation. Instead of listening, I was asking my friend to see his Picasso-like rendition of the bird. I, therefore, fell behind on the lecture, and so went the endless cycle: fall behind, try to catch up, fall more behind. When it came time to rewrite my field notes in legible form, I stared at a piece of paper that consisted of smudged squiggly lines and eventually tears. Frustrated and disappointed, I retreated back to my cabin to seek refuge. 

I quickly got undressed and slipped under my blanket for warmth, comfort, and most importantly protection. After I gave myself a few minutes to calm down, I took out the wet crumbled piece of paper from my pocket and tried to redraw a stick figure of a bird. The twelve stick figures, representing the twelve different birds we saw, looked exactly the same, and trying to redraw each body part of each bird to scale was so difficult that I felt like each pen stroke was met with a ton of resistance. Giving up, I pushed the piece of paper back into my pocket and lay down on my back. I saw Simon sitting in his characteristically feminine position on Ethan's bed. Simon was sitting, facing Ethan, with his legs crossed and his right hand casually nestled on his right kneecap, his foot twitching like the tail of a happy dog. Ethan was lying on his side with his big black headphones cupped around his ears, reading Faulkner. As my head swiveled, I noticed Conrad, sleeping, as usual, with his blanket clenched tightly under his chin, with both fists. I heard Fred and Rob discussing the pitfalls of modern education and could see Donald's head rhythmically moving back and forth, in sync with Jimi Hendrix. I then realized that I too was part of my environment. I realized that I was a silent participant, and more importantly, I realized that I was an observer. 

On my next field trip, I had one pencil nonchalantly nestled on top of my right ear. I set out with no mission in mind and had no vengeance in my heart. I intentionally lagged behind my fellow classmates in order to get a wider, broader perspective of the environment. Applying what I learned in my cabin, I was able to engage all of my senses and could attempt to take in the vastness of it all. When we returned from our field trip, the task of doing a "rewrite" did not seem so odious, and my pencil flew across the page like a writer who just experienced an epiphany and wants to get his idea down before he forgets it. I drew every bird, tree, and rock as best I could, and although they were not perfect, they were exactly what I saw.

Comments

In this essay, the student intends to show how he grew both emotionally and academically. In the beginning, he believes so strongly that his field trips are worthless that he actually tries to persuade his teacher of his point of view. The student then takes the reader along on his "journey" from resistance and self-doubt to the discovery that he can do what the teacher requires of him. This essay is particularly successful because the reader can really see the student's struggle and ultimate triumph. 

This essay grabs the reader's attention right away and succeeds in keeping it. The first sentence, "Tom Zincer succeeded in his task," raises the question in the reader's mind: Who is Tom Zincer, and what was his task? The question is immediately answered, and, through the use of vivid storytelling in which the anecdote is developed chronologically, the reader experiences the student's journey from "non-observer" to "observer." In addition, the thesis is clearly stated at the end of the second paragraph: "Basically, I was lazy. No. No. I was not lazy. I was just not ready; I was not yet ready to become an observer." In the rest of the essay, the writer shows how he becomes an "observer." The reader can also readily infer the applicant's maturity and proactive nature: "I had gone to see Tom privately in order to discuss how I could survive his class." The applicant's realization ("I then realized that I too was part of my environment. I realized that I was a silent participant, and more importantly, I realized that I was an observer.") is successful because he builds toward it gradually.

The tone of this essay is effective because it relies on humor and a dose of self-deprecation to make its points. In addition, the writer describes his feelings, his situation, and his surroundings so vividly and in such a personal way that the reader can almost see the wheels of the student's mind turn as he writes. A minor negative is the use of the word "odious," which does not seem as if it is a regular part of the student's vocabulary, instead probably a term he got out of a thesaurus.

Poorly Done "Personal Growth" Essay

Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited by EssayEdge are dramatically improved. For samples of EssayEdge editing, please click here.

I want to learn to take risks. I want to change my attitude about taking chances. Assessing my academic and extracurricular achievements, I am proud of my accomplishments. I see myself as an open-minded, goal-oriented person who achieves and succeeds through hard work and determination. How much of that success is a result of staying on comfortable ground? 

I began wondering about the range of my abilities when I attended Northwestern University's Theater Arts Program last summer. The theme of the institute, announced by the director, was: "Dare to fail gloriously." This idea encouraged participants to take bold risks on the stage. Over time I applied this philosophy to my acting and my life. I began the Northwestern program as a quasi-accomplished actress with a hunger to absorb all I could about acting. I emerged not only a well-rounded thespian, but also a more secure person with a new outlook. I knew that there was something about my life that I wanted to change and could change. Now, as I approach college, I am committed to continuing successes and occasional glorious failures. 

The first day at Northwestern I was asked to choose among three subjects in technical theater, ranking them in order of preference. Set Design was my first choice, followed by Costumes, and finally Stage Lighting. Much to my dismay, I was assigned to the lighting crew. Though disappointed, I tried to stay open-minded. I knew nothing about lighting, but followed the slogan which kept repeating in my head: "Dare to fail...." 

By the third lighting session, I had discovered a new passion: I was eager to learn everything I could about lights. Having always been a performer who enjoyed the limelight, I had never realized the skill required to create it properly. In my free time I climbed the catwalks, memorized cues, circuited lamps, and changed gels. My competence was recognized when I was selected head light board operator for the final production of the summer. 

If the choice to study lighting had not been made for me, I would have missed an enriching opportunity. The experience taught me to take more risks, rather than to follow the most certain path to success. The exposure made me realize how limited my perspective had been in approaching new situations. The choice that was made for me, undesirable as it seemed at the outset, taught me to embrace new experiences and ideas. 

I believe that "the past is prologue." In college I will take more risks, convinced that the potential rewards outweigh my fear of failure. I have stopped trying to select a major and am now committed to studying many academic disciplines before deciding on a field of concentration. 

Accepting the possibility of failure is a new concept for me. While I have had recognition for academics, performing arts, community service, and athletic achievements, perhaps I have missed some enriching experiences because my certainty of success was doubtful. I will not avoid such opportunities in the future since I am changing my philosophy of life: I am learning to take risks.

Comments

Though this applicant has made a valiant effort at being personal, her essay lacks power because it is riddled with clichéd constructions. She even opens with one: "I want to learn to take risks." Though clichés are helpful in our daily lives (imagine trying to make completely original statements for the rest of your life), they are serious deficiencies in admissions essays. Admissions officers do not want to read the same hackneyed ideas over and over, since they give little insight into the particular applicant's character and personality. 

Another major error is that the writer tells the reader early on how she changed, thus removing the element of suspense and reducing the reader's attention: "I emerged not only a well-rounded thespian, but also a more secure person with a new outlook." Also, successful essays show the reader, rather than tell him or her things about the applicant. This student, however, comes right out and states her qualities, almost in a tone that could be construed as haughty: "I see myself as an open-minded, goal-oriented person who achieves and succeeds through hard work and determination." What is more frustrating is that the writer also relies on clichéd rhetoric in such points, further lessening their power. Though there are some precise details during the discussion of the lighting experience, the applicant leaves much room for improvement. Stating, "In college I will take more risks, convinced that the potential rewards outweigh my fear of failure," is not enough. The applicant needs to state how specifically: Will she engage in new extracurricular activities? Will she study abroad? Will she discover a love of community service? Finally, ending with yet another cliché, the applicant leaves the reader without much useful material to assess her candidacy--a problem no applicant wants to create for her or his reader.

Next Topic: 'Role Model' Essays